A majority in the gifted population.
Paper is not dead.
The world's most amazing all-terrain high-altitude human.
Curiosity's big news.
Chocolate-flavored stamps.
And the nerds shall inherit the earth, or at least the video game worlds.
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Thursday, March 28, 2013
War Horse
I wrote two days ago about how Mom and I went to see the Emmylou Harris concert the Sunday night that she was here. What I had originally planned to do that night was go see War Horse at the Fox, but I had only bought a single ticket. I gave it to my cousin A instead, but Mom very generously bought me another ticket for Wednesday night instead!
The show was awesome, but so, so intense. I saw the movie some time ago, so I knew how it was going to end, but the action takes you right up until the last minute. And I suppose it's a good thing that the show was never dull, because it was long - almost 2 hours and 45 minutes.
During that time, it's amazing to see what the crew can do with the mechanical horses (and the smaller animals too). It was easy to forget they weren't real, and I didn't find the crew members who were controlling them to be distracting at all; they did a great job of staying out of the sight line between the horse and the audience.
Perhaps the most notable thing about this play (and the movie) is its poignancy. The human protagonist is pure of heart and mission, a stark contrast to all the conflicted, often-hard-to-like main characters that are popular today. It's a simple story - a boy and his horse trying to find their way back to each other - but a good, classic one.
The show was awesome, but so, so intense. I saw the movie some time ago, so I knew how it was going to end, but the action takes you right up until the last minute. And I suppose it's a good thing that the show was never dull, because it was long - almost 2 hours and 45 minutes.
During that time, it's amazing to see what the crew can do with the mechanical horses (and the smaller animals too). It was easy to forget they weren't real, and I didn't find the crew members who were controlling them to be distracting at all; they did a great job of staying out of the sight line between the horse and the audience.
Perhaps the most notable thing about this play (and the movie) is its poignancy. The human protagonist is pure of heart and mission, a stark contrast to all the conflicted, often-hard-to-like main characters that are popular today. It's a simple story - a boy and his horse trying to find their way back to each other - but a good, classic one.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Weekend with Mom
Mom came in town to visit me last weekend (two weekends ago, I guess). It was a pretty last-minute trip, so we didn't have much in the way of plans. She arrived on Friday around lunch time, and I briefly escaped from work to retrieve her from the airport, but then I had to go back. While I was toiling away, Mom saw some old friends then picked up Mai Lee for us for dinner.
Saturday morning we started off by taking R the Wonderdog on a nice long walk, then ventured out into the suburbs to do some errands. This is Saturday, March 16th we're talking about, so all the St. Patrick's Day festivities were in full swing. We made it back downtown in time to go to a pig roast at A's house, though by the time we made it up to the roof, the pork was mostly gone! There was still plenty of other food and lots of beer, so it was all good. Mom was a social butterfly on Saturday night, but I stayed home to sort through some boxes and do brunch prep for Sunday.
Oh, but before mom left to go out, we did some handiwork. Remember way back when I had my housewarming party? Well, my friend E found the perfect housewarming gift, but I wasn't sure where to hang it. Mom to the rescue!
The brunch, which really would have qualified as lunch time-wise, except that we had breakfast food, was me, Mom, and C, who ventured downtown to join us. We ended our day with a trip over to the Peabody to see Emmylou Harris and Rodney Crowell, along with Richard Thompson as the opener. Good show!
I really liked Richard Thompson's Keep Your Distance (acoustic version) and Tear-Stained Letter (1984 version; 2013 version, with a pretty wicked solo starting at 3:30). As far as Emmylou and Rodney, who played the whole concert together, I loved Earthbound (studio version) and of course the classic Pancho and Lefty (live version).
Our last hurrah was lunch Monday with G&G at Cafe Napoli (I escaped from work again!). I don't know why I was so hungry, but I went through about a basket of bread, the ravioli special, and a dessert! Sheesh.
Anyway, it was great to see you Mom, thanks for coming!
Saturday morning we started off by taking R the Wonderdog on a nice long walk, then ventured out into the suburbs to do some errands. This is Saturday, March 16th we're talking about, so all the St. Patrick's Day festivities were in full swing. We made it back downtown in time to go to a pig roast at A's house, though by the time we made it up to the roof, the pork was mostly gone! There was still plenty of other food and lots of beer, so it was all good. Mom was a social butterfly on Saturday night, but I stayed home to sort through some boxes and do brunch prep for Sunday.
Oh, but before mom left to go out, we did some handiwork. Remember way back when I had my housewarming party? Well, my friend E found the perfect housewarming gift, but I wasn't sure where to hang it. Mom to the rescue!
Now I just need one for summer that says "Ice Cream"
The brunch, which really would have qualified as lunch time-wise, except that we had breakfast food, was me, Mom, and C, who ventured downtown to join us. We ended our day with a trip over to the Peabody to see Emmylou Harris and Rodney Crowell, along with Richard Thompson as the opener. Good show!
I really liked Richard Thompson's Keep Your Distance (acoustic version) and Tear-Stained Letter (1984 version; 2013 version, with a pretty wicked solo starting at 3:30). As far as Emmylou and Rodney, who played the whole concert together, I loved Earthbound (studio version) and of course the classic Pancho and Lefty (live version).
Our last hurrah was lunch Monday with G&G at Cafe Napoli (I escaped from work again!). I don't know why I was so hungry, but I went through about a basket of bread, the ravioli special, and a dessert! Sheesh.
Anyway, it was great to see you Mom, thanks for coming!
Monday, March 25, 2013
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Goal #12
Goal #12: OMG, I need a minute.
Everything in my life is changing. I need to catch up.
Recap of goal #11: um, no. Hopefully with the minute of downtime I'm going to get this week, I can have some me time. Not holding my breath, but fingers are crossed.
Everything in my life is changing. I need to catch up.
Recap of goal #11: um, no. Hopefully with the minute of downtime I'm going to get this week, I can have some me time. Not holding my breath, but fingers are crossed.
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Random Links
Inside a dog's mind.
The implications of being a person in an ever more tech-savvy world.
Old abandoned places (I've been to one of them!).
A proposal to reform government pay with step decreases.
Ever wanted to see a real-life vampire?
WTF is Sugru?
The implications of being a person in an ever more tech-savvy world.
Old abandoned places (I've been to one of them!).
A proposal to reform government pay with step decreases.
Ever wanted to see a real-life vampire?
WTF is Sugru?
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Bon Jovi
I wish Bon Jovi would come to St. Louis more than once every two years, since both of the shows I've been to now have been a total blast! The first time I saw him was almost two years ago, but his band was minus one Richie Sambora. This time Richie was playing his heart out, and it was such a great show!
I went with T's friend M - which was a great bit of luck actually. Originally I was supposed to go with T and was bummed when he got a fever and had to bail. I was willing to just go by myself, but he offered the ticket to his friend M. Now, this all happened during one of my first hectic days at a new job, so I was really not in a position to handle something like this in the middle of the work day.
I shot a text to M in the afternoon but didn't hear anything back (I discovered later that I transposed two of the numbers in the prefix of her phone number). Then it's about 6:45 and I'm heading home; the show starts at 7:30. M called and we made tentative plans. I got home and realized how much I had to do before even leaving for the show, then realized when I was halfway to M's house that I had forgotten the tickets! It was after 8:30 by the time we got there.
I think we missed a lot, but no matter - we still had a great time!
I went with T's friend M - which was a great bit of luck actually. Originally I was supposed to go with T and was bummed when he got a fever and had to bail. I was willing to just go by myself, but he offered the ticket to his friend M. Now, this all happened during one of my first hectic days at a new job, so I was really not in a position to handle something like this in the middle of the work day.
I shot a text to M in the afternoon but didn't hear anything back (I discovered later that I transposed two of the numbers in the prefix of her phone number). Then it's about 6:45 and I'm heading home; the show starts at 7:30. M called and we made tentative plans. I got home and realized how much I had to do before even leaving for the show, then realized when I was halfway to M's house that I had forgotten the tickets! It was after 8:30 by the time we got there.
I think we missed a lot, but no matter - we still had a great time!
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
What I Watched -- Stoker
My friend H got free tickets to a screening of Stoker last week, and I agreed to go really having no idea what I was getting into -- but I didn't have anything else to do on that particular night, so why not?It was a weird, weird movie. The poster sort of makes it look like a modern, single-child remake of The Addams Family. It's not. This movie came from a seriously dark place, and it's really messed up.
At the opening of the film, a man by the name of Richard Stoker dies in a car accident, leaving behind his wife Evelyn (Nicole Kidman) and daughter India (Mia Wasikowska). Evelyn and India are not close, and their relationship is further strained by the arrival of Richard's long-lost brother Charlie (Matthew Goode) for his funeral.
Something is off about cool-as-a-cucumber Charlie, and you spend much of the movie trying to figure out what he's up to and why. And it all goes terribly wrong with Evelyn and India. There's jealousy, there's violence, there's sexual tension.
There's also really interesting camera work - some fantastic shots and scene changes that were excellently shot.
Bottom line: psycho-sexual drama is certainly not for everyone.
Monday, March 18, 2013
Goal #11
Goal #11: make a little me time.
This is sort of lame as a goal, but I've discovered that if you don't make it a goal occasionally, it usually doesn't happen.
Mom was here this weekend and we got done a few things that I needed to happen, but there are more. Letters to write, books and magazines to read, errands to run, the business of life to attend to. I'm hoping to feel a little more caught up by the end of the week.
Recap of goal #10: I made some progress sorting through the boxes from my office, but there's still a long way to go. Part of the problem is that I'm not actually in my office yet; I'm in a temporary office until construction is finished on the other side of the floor and I can move into my more permanent home. So a bunch of the stuff I still have at home will hopefully go into my office once it's ready -- at least two boxes of that.
I have three or four boxes of stuff I've decided to get rid of once I can get around to making that happen, and then there are probably three more boxes of papers and miscellany I just need to deal with.
This is sort of lame as a goal, but I've discovered that if you don't make it a goal occasionally, it usually doesn't happen.
Mom was here this weekend and we got done a few things that I needed to happen, but there are more. Letters to write, books and magazines to read, errands to run, the business of life to attend to. I'm hoping to feel a little more caught up by the end of the week.
Recap of goal #10: I made some progress sorting through the boxes from my office, but there's still a long way to go. Part of the problem is that I'm not actually in my office yet; I'm in a temporary office until construction is finished on the other side of the floor and I can move into my more permanent home. So a bunch of the stuff I still have at home will hopefully go into my office once it's ready -- at least two boxes of that.
I have three or four boxes of stuff I've decided to get rid of once I can get around to making that happen, and then there are probably three more boxes of papers and miscellany I just need to deal with.
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Saturday, March 16, 2013
A Brief Tribute to Steve Martin
I love Steve Martin. He's an actor, novelist, musician. He does funny and goofy, but still leaves me with the impression that he's a serious person. And he just seems like a good, nice guy.
And for your viewing pleasure, here's a teaser video of him playing at the Grand Ole Opry.
There are also a number of videos of him playing with the man himself, Earl Scruggs (live, live - with Jerry Douglas on dobro, studio), but unfortunately those are embed-restricted.
I just have this to say, in closing: anyone who can learn to play the banjo well enough to hold his own with some of the best the musicians the industry has to offer deserves respect.
And for your viewing pleasure, here's a teaser video of him playing at the Grand Ole Opry.
There are also a number of videos of him playing with the man himself, Earl Scruggs (live, live - with Jerry Douglas on dobro, studio), but unfortunately those are embed-restricted.
I just have this to say, in closing: anyone who can learn to play the banjo well enough to hold his own with some of the best the musicians the industry has to offer deserves respect.
Friday, March 15, 2013
Quote of the Day
“Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life's cruelest irony.”
-- Douglas Coupland, Shampoo Planet
-- Douglas Coupland, Shampoo Planet
Thursday, March 14, 2013
The Arch in Snow
This is an old pic, but it's a lovely one so I thought I'd share. I took it when I was out on a walk one Sunday morning with R the Wonderdog.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Microbrewery: Schlafly Bottleworks
Aha! I've found the long-lost picture of my awesome mortadella & egg sandwich/heart attack!
Looks healthy, huh?
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Suburban Shells
Last week I drove past what I still call Riverport (though technically it's the Verizon Wireless Amphitheater) in the middle of the day. It was obviously empty, and man it looked lonely! Do you ever notice that?
There's a route out to the Chuck where I ride my bike past the Family Arena early in the morning, and its a pathetic shell:
The same is true of abandoned shopping malls. Does anyone else think these things are just a sad sight?
There's a route out to the Chuck where I ride my bike past the Family Arena early in the morning, and its a pathetic shell:
The same is true of abandoned shopping malls. Does anyone else think these things are just a sad sight?
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Goal #10
Goal #10: clean up this mess:
"That mess" is everything that came out of my office when I vacated on Thursday. "Really, all that was in your office?" Yes. It was a big office, and I had made it mine. But now that the office is no longer mine, I have to find something to do with the stuff that was in it. Currently it's in the way of my wine. That will never do.
Recap of goal #9: no dice. In fairness, it was a pretty insane week for me, what with the moving and all. But if you really want to know how badly I failed, here it is: I got through less than a quarter of the music that I wanted to.
"That mess" is everything that came out of my office when I vacated on Thursday. "Really, all that was in your office?" Yes. It was a big office, and I had made it mine. But now that the office is no longer mine, I have to find something to do with the stuff that was in it. Currently it's in the way of my wine. That will never do.
Recap of goal #9: no dice. In fairness, it was a pretty insane week for me, what with the moving and all. But if you really want to know how badly I failed, here it is: I got through less than a quarter of the music that I wanted to.
Saturday, March 9, 2013
M Builds a Lecture Series
Settle in, this is a long one.
It turns out that there are a number of lecture series sponsored by universities in St. Louis. Probably the best known is the St. Louis Speaker Series, sponsored by Maryville University - or at least it's the best known to me; I don't know if that's true universally. Recently, though, I happened upon some marketing materials for upcoming lectures, so I decided to build my own series and check some of them out.
Speaker #1
Wednesday night I went with some members of my college alumni group to see Dan Pink, one of our own, talk about his new book, To Sell Is Human. He was presenting as part of the Maryville Talks Books series, and those of us in attendance not only got a peek at his new book, but also were spoon-fed the basic argument of his previous book, Drive. (It's this: if/then types of motivation work well for a simple, repetitive, quantifiable task. They are lousy motivators for tasks that require more creative thinking and analytical skills.)
The new book begins with the idea that we are all salespeople: one in nine people is in what he calls "sales sales" (inside sales teams, car salesmen, etc.), but the other eight out of nine are in "non-sales selling" (selling ideas, a service, our time). And sales today is different than it used to be, because the salespeople no longer have all the information. The availability of product information on the internet has created a level of knowledge parity that has never existed before in a sales situation, and that changes the game.
The old Glengarry Glen Ross model of "ABC: Always Be Closing" is shifting to what he argues are the new ABCs: Attunement, Buoyancy, and Clarity. If you want to more about that, apparently you'll have to read the book.
Dan is a good lecturer. He moved around the stage, made jokes, repeated people's names, wrote on his own face with a marker. It was hugely entertaining.
Speaker #2
The very next night, as part of Wash U's Arts & Sciences Connections Series, I got to see Dr. Raymond Arvidson talk about his work with the Mars Science Lab expedition. That's right, that's Curiosity. [Holy sh**, this is the guy driving Curiosity!] (Remember how much I love Mars rovers? Happy news, sad news, happy news.)
He actually began his lecture, Cruisin' With Curiosity, with a recap of Opportunity, who is still up there chugging away slowly. He landed in 2004 and was expected to last three months and travel about 600 meters, but has gone over 21 miles in the nearly 10 years that have passed! He's a trooper.
Curiosity, a plutonium-238-powered, car-sized rover on a mission to explore earlier Martian environments. It's loaded with a brush, scoop, drill, lasers, and other goodies to help it pick up and analyze the composition of whatever goodies it finds.
Let's get this out of the way: there was once water on Mars. There are gypsum deposits which are created when subsurface water rises to fill cracks in the rocks; there's evidence of cross-bedding probably caused by water carrying sand; there are sedimentary rocks, alluvial fans, ephemeral lakebeds.
Curiosity is working its little way over to Mount Sharp to take a look at some of its older strata, and particularly one which, thanks to the help of NASA's CRISM infrared spectrometer, is known to contain evidence of a particular type of hematite (iron oxide) which requires water for formation. But, you say, we already knew there was water. True. But if there was water present when that particular stratum of mountain was laid down, that might be the time period Dr. Arvidson is looking for when Mars was warm and wet, just like - drumroll please - an early period of Earth's formation about which we don't have much data because our continuing tectonic and atmospheric activity have wiped it out. Mars is, he said twice, "eerily Earth-like" - early on, the Red Planet's molten core gave it a dipolar magnetic field which created an atmosphere that shielded the planet from other solar objects. Pretty much like we are now. But somewhere back in history, because it's a relatively small planet and farther from the sun, its core cooled, atmosphere blew away, water fell into a subsurface deep freeze, and now it's a pockmarked desert. Hopefully not like us.
So there you go! We're trolling around Mars to learn about us, more scientifically called comparative planetary analysis. (And also to learn about Mars, really, because that's just cool.)
The good doctor did give us a heads up to tune in to the NASA press conference next Tuesday. Apparently big news is going to be revealed that was learned using a bunch of their fancy schmancy tools - the mass spectrometer, gas chromatograph, and laser something-or-other. So listen in!
There's a video on the Fox2 website of an interview with Dr. Arvidson if you're interested. He's pretty adorable in a nerdy scientist kind of way.
Speaker #3 (almost)
Unfortunately I missed seeing Dan Ariely, who was also speaking at Wash U. His presentation was in the afternoon, and I had some work commitments!
It turns out that there are a number of lecture series sponsored by universities in St. Louis. Probably the best known is the St. Louis Speaker Series, sponsored by Maryville University - or at least it's the best known to me; I don't know if that's true universally. Recently, though, I happened upon some marketing materials for upcoming lectures, so I decided to build my own series and check some of them out.
Speaker #1
Wednesday night I went with some members of my college alumni group to see Dan Pink, one of our own, talk about his new book, To Sell Is Human. He was presenting as part of the Maryville Talks Books series, and those of us in attendance not only got a peek at his new book, but also were spoon-fed the basic argument of his previous book, Drive. (It's this: if/then types of motivation work well for a simple, repetitive, quantifiable task. They are lousy motivators for tasks that require more creative thinking and analytical skills.)
The new book begins with the idea that we are all salespeople: one in nine people is in what he calls "sales sales" (inside sales teams, car salesmen, etc.), but the other eight out of nine are in "non-sales selling" (selling ideas, a service, our time). And sales today is different than it used to be, because the salespeople no longer have all the information. The availability of product information on the internet has created a level of knowledge parity that has never existed before in a sales situation, and that changes the game.
The old Glengarry Glen Ross model of "ABC: Always Be Closing" is shifting to what he argues are the new ABCs: Attunement, Buoyancy, and Clarity. If you want to more about that, apparently you'll have to read the book.
Dan is a good lecturer. He moved around the stage, made jokes, repeated people's names, wrote on his own face with a marker. It was hugely entertaining.
Speaker #2
The very next night, as part of Wash U's Arts & Sciences Connections Series, I got to see Dr. Raymond Arvidson talk about his work with the Mars Science Lab expedition. That's right, that's Curiosity. [Holy sh**, this is the guy driving Curiosity!] (Remember how much I love Mars rovers? Happy news, sad news, happy news.)
He actually began his lecture, Cruisin' With Curiosity, with a recap of Opportunity, who is still up there chugging away slowly. He landed in 2004 and was expected to last three months and travel about 600 meters, but has gone over 21 miles in the nearly 10 years that have passed! He's a trooper.
Curiosity, a plutonium-238-powered, car-sized rover on a mission to explore earlier Martian environments. It's loaded with a brush, scoop, drill, lasers, and other goodies to help it pick up and analyze the composition of whatever goodies it finds.
Let's get this out of the way: there was once water on Mars. There are gypsum deposits which are created when subsurface water rises to fill cracks in the rocks; there's evidence of cross-bedding probably caused by water carrying sand; there are sedimentary rocks, alluvial fans, ephemeral lakebeds.
Curiosity is working its little way over to Mount Sharp to take a look at some of its older strata, and particularly one which, thanks to the help of NASA's CRISM infrared spectrometer, is known to contain evidence of a particular type of hematite (iron oxide) which requires water for formation. But, you say, we already knew there was water. True. But if there was water present when that particular stratum of mountain was laid down, that might be the time period Dr. Arvidson is looking for when Mars was warm and wet, just like - drumroll please - an early period of Earth's formation about which we don't have much data because our continuing tectonic and atmospheric activity have wiped it out. Mars is, he said twice, "eerily Earth-like" - early on, the Red Planet's molten core gave it a dipolar magnetic field which created an atmosphere that shielded the planet from other solar objects. Pretty much like we are now. But somewhere back in history, because it's a relatively small planet and farther from the sun, its core cooled, atmosphere blew away, water fell into a subsurface deep freeze, and now it's a pockmarked desert. Hopefully not like us.
So there you go! We're trolling around Mars to learn about us, more scientifically called comparative planetary analysis. (And also to learn about Mars, really, because that's just cool.)
The good doctor did give us a heads up to tune in to the NASA press conference next Tuesday. Apparently big news is going to be revealed that was learned using a bunch of their fancy schmancy tools - the mass spectrometer, gas chromatograph, and laser something-or-other. So listen in!
There's a video on the Fox2 website of an interview with Dr. Arvidson if you're interested. He's pretty adorable in a nerdy scientist kind of way.
Speaker #3 (almost)
Unfortunately I missed seeing Dan Ariely, who was also speaking at Wash U. His presentation was in the afternoon, and I had some work commitments!
Friday, March 8, 2013
Five Star Burgers
Earlier this week, I had occasion to meet some friends at Five Star Burgers in Clayton for dinner. I had the Magic Mushroom burger, which I enjoyed. Warning: err on the side of having them over-cook the burger, because a lot of people were a little disappointed with how much pink was still in theirs (I didn't mind a bit - take a whole cow, walk it through a warm room, and I'm happy). I think the consensus was that their burgers were good, and big, but not in competition for the best in town.
Here's a secret for restaurateurs: if you put alcoholic milkshakes on the menu, I will order one. Five Star's are small but seriously boozy - don't be put off by their small size, they pack a punch. I had the Rumdinger (which I wanted more of), but a couple of my friends ordered the Maraca, which had so much tequila in it that they didn't even finish. (No comments from the peanut gallery regarding what that says about me.)
Here's a secret for restaurateurs: if you put alcoholic milkshakes on the menu, I will order one. Five Star's are small but seriously boozy - don't be put off by their small size, they pack a punch. I had the Rumdinger (which I wanted more of), but a couple of my friends ordered the Maraca, which had so much tequila in it that they didn't even finish. (No comments from the peanut gallery regarding what that says about me.)
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Thoughts on Marriage and the Single Life
My friend M asked me recently, completely out of the blue, how I felt about marriage. Would I ever get married? Did I even believe in it? What's wrong with it today? I answered, somewhat unsatisfactorily, the best I could.
Interestingly, the very next day, I was getting caught up on the weekend's podcasts. The new episode of To the Best of Our Knowledge was called "After the Romance," and there were two interviewees who expressed some of the thoughts I had been trying, rather inelegantly, to get out. Disclaimer: I neither agree with everything these interviewees said, nor do they cover everything I was thinking; however, they're so much more articulate than me that I thought I would share a few choice quotations.
Psychologist, couples therapist, and author of Mating in Captivity Esther Perel, discussed the history of marriage, love, and desire (she's Belgian, so sometimes the sentence structure is a little strange, but she actually has a lovely accent; if you're interested I'd recommend listening to the audio of her interview). One segment of her interview explained in more detail my theory that it's unrealistic to expect to get everything you need in the world from a single person:
"Today we want the same person to give us security and adventure. 'I want to reconcile with you my needs for safety and security and stability and I want also to have with you mystery and transcendence and awe and novelty. I want you to bring me comfort and edge, excitement and familiarity.' It's a fantastic paradox that we are trying to manage. . . . We are asking today from one person to give us what once an entire village used to provide. We may not be more insecure today, but we definitely are bringing all our insecurity needs to one person.
And in our efforts to secure love, we often will trample the passion. If the verb that accompanies love is to have, the verb that accompanies desire is to want. Love doesn't want secrets; love wants to narrow the gap, to neutralize the threat, it wants closeness, but desire needs space to thrive. It likes the unknown, it likes the unexpected, it likes mystery.
If desire is fueled by the unknown, then faced with the unknown in our midst, we can have two primary responses: either I'm anxious [or] become curious. If I'm anxious, I'm going to close up, I'm going to create something that is fixed, reliable, and [doesn't] surprise me. And I'm going to complain of marital ennui and boredom. If I'm open, then I kind of am able to see you and to see the persistent mystery that is in my partner, and then I can actually play with this wonderful formula that passion is commensurate with the amount of uncertainty that we can tolerate.
. . . Desire needs a bridge to cross, a certain emotional distance that allows me to come and visit you. Sometimes people confuse intimacy with fusion, and there is not enough space anymore to go and visit or be visited by another person."
Later in the show, Anne Strainchamps interviewed Kate Bolick, author of a 2011 column in The Atlantic about the rise of the single woman called "All the Single Ladies." I read that article when it came out, but she says a few new things in this interview, specifically in terms of legitimating life for single people without simultaneously raining on the marriage parade, which really rang true.
". . . I kept thinking I would get married, it didn't occur to me that I wouldn't. I'd been in love before, I had had long-term relationships, it just--. It did surprise me in my early thirties that I hadn't done that yet, and then the big surprise was at thirty-five, realizing, oh, I'm not unmarried because something's wrong with me or because I'm making selfish decisions or I'm immature and can't settle down or because there are no men. I'm single at thirty-five because I haven't wanted to be married yet. And I've kept making that decision to not be married. I just have not had that desire. . . . I loved being alone in the world and accumulating many experiences.
. . . In the article, I never say that I'm actually against marriage, and I never say that I don't actually want to get married myself. What I am saying is that being single is a completely legitimate way to exist, and for me a very absorbing and interesting one. Once I made that realization, I was much happier inside of my life. And when I look back at the last fifteen, twenty years, I have been very satisfied with it.
The only thing that was making me unhappy was the idea that I should be doing something else that I wasn't doing.
If I've wanted anything to come out of this article, conversation, it's that I've wanted there to be a more positive conversation around what it means to be single. Single people aren't the lonely, pitiable souls that we have historically considered them to be. And my message is not 'stay single forever, down with marriage.' It's that, if you are single, there is so much potential in a life that's unfettered by another. Enjoy that time while you have it."
So, not that you asked, but those are some slightly more cogent (and one hundred percent borrowed) thoughts on the issue.
Interestingly, the very next day, I was getting caught up on the weekend's podcasts. The new episode of To the Best of Our Knowledge was called "After the Romance," and there were two interviewees who expressed some of the thoughts I had been trying, rather inelegantly, to get out. Disclaimer: I neither agree with everything these interviewees said, nor do they cover everything I was thinking; however, they're so much more articulate than me that I thought I would share a few choice quotations.
Psychologist, couples therapist, and author of Mating in Captivity Esther Perel, discussed the history of marriage, love, and desire (she's Belgian, so sometimes the sentence structure is a little strange, but she actually has a lovely accent; if you're interested I'd recommend listening to the audio of her interview). One segment of her interview explained in more detail my theory that it's unrealistic to expect to get everything you need in the world from a single person:
"Today we want the same person to give us security and adventure. 'I want to reconcile with you my needs for safety and security and stability and I want also to have with you mystery and transcendence and awe and novelty. I want you to bring me comfort and edge, excitement and familiarity.' It's a fantastic paradox that we are trying to manage. . . . We are asking today from one person to give us what once an entire village used to provide. We may not be more insecure today, but we definitely are bringing all our insecurity needs to one person.
And in our efforts to secure love, we often will trample the passion. If the verb that accompanies love is to have, the verb that accompanies desire is to want. Love doesn't want secrets; love wants to narrow the gap, to neutralize the threat, it wants closeness, but desire needs space to thrive. It likes the unknown, it likes the unexpected, it likes mystery.
If desire is fueled by the unknown, then faced with the unknown in our midst, we can have two primary responses: either I'm anxious [or] become curious. If I'm anxious, I'm going to close up, I'm going to create something that is fixed, reliable, and [doesn't] surprise me. And I'm going to complain of marital ennui and boredom. If I'm open, then I kind of am able to see you and to see the persistent mystery that is in my partner, and then I can actually play with this wonderful formula that passion is commensurate with the amount of uncertainty that we can tolerate.
. . . Desire needs a bridge to cross, a certain emotional distance that allows me to come and visit you. Sometimes people confuse intimacy with fusion, and there is not enough space anymore to go and visit or be visited by another person."
Later in the show, Anne Strainchamps interviewed Kate Bolick, author of a 2011 column in The Atlantic about the rise of the single woman called "All the Single Ladies." I read that article when it came out, but she says a few new things in this interview, specifically in terms of legitimating life for single people without simultaneously raining on the marriage parade, which really rang true.
". . . I kept thinking I would get married, it didn't occur to me that I wouldn't. I'd been in love before, I had had long-term relationships, it just--. It did surprise me in my early thirties that I hadn't done that yet, and then the big surprise was at thirty-five, realizing, oh, I'm not unmarried because something's wrong with me or because I'm making selfish decisions or I'm immature and can't settle down or because there are no men. I'm single at thirty-five because I haven't wanted to be married yet. And I've kept making that decision to not be married. I just have not had that desire. . . . I loved being alone in the world and accumulating many experiences.
. . . In the article, I never say that I'm actually against marriage, and I never say that I don't actually want to get married myself. What I am saying is that being single is a completely legitimate way to exist, and for me a very absorbing and interesting one. Once I made that realization, I was much happier inside of my life. And when I look back at the last fifteen, twenty years, I have been very satisfied with it.
The only thing that was making me unhappy was the idea that I should be doing something else that I wasn't doing.
If I've wanted anything to come out of this article, conversation, it's that I've wanted there to be a more positive conversation around what it means to be single. Single people aren't the lonely, pitiable souls that we have historically considered them to be. And my message is not 'stay single forever, down with marriage.' It's that, if you are single, there is so much potential in a life that's unfettered by another. Enjoy that time while you have it."
So, not that you asked, but those are some slightly more cogent (and one hundred percent borrowed) thoughts on the issue.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
What I Watched -- City of God
So it went with City of God, (trailer), and that's terribly unfortunate, because I should have given it a little more attention. The titular City of God is a Rio slum lorded over by gangs of drug-dealing kids, which sounds like a bit of a ridiculous premise except that the movie appears to be loosely based on a true story.
There's no question that it's based on a book of the same name by Paulo Lins, who grew up in the slum. Originally, it was thought that the book chronicled the life a wannabe photographer named Wilson Rodrigues, although the consensus now seems to be that there is no such person; the main character in the book is actually a composite of the author himself and one of his childhood friends who hoped to become a photographer.
Anyway, the story. Drugs, gangs, kids. All pretty dark stuff. But there's one shy, honest kid, nicknamed Rocket, who manages to stay mostly above the fray. The film opens with Rocket standing in the middle of the street, between a gang and the local police. Rocket narrates as we flash back to the beginning and find out how he ended up in that position, and what happens to him once we catch back up to the present.
The movie is violent, but not overly so, and not for show; what's more horrifying is seeing what the children do to one another in an effort to gain approval from or prove themselves superior to each other. That's the stuff that's really troubling.
What took my breath away was the cinematography. The film is full of sweeping camera shots, freeze frames, slow motion, fast motion - but somehow none of it seems kitschy or unnecessary. Many of the shots have that fuzzy, washed out quality, the way things would look after you'd spent too much time staring into the Rio sun. It's really spectacular.
Bottom line: visually stunning, emotionally tough but with enough humor and positivity that I wasn't left feeling drained.
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Quote of the Day
"You are young and life is long
And there is time to kill today.
And then one day you find
Ten years have got behind you.
No one told you when to run,
You missed the starting gun."
-- Pink Floyd, Time
And there is time to kill today.
And then one day you find
Ten years have got behind you.
No one told you when to run,
You missed the starting gun."
-- Pink Floyd, Time
Monday, March 4, 2013
Random Links
Hilarious "auto-response" texts.
A very lucky unlucky bride.
I want to be her friend. She's friggin' hilarious. Also I would like Hugh Jackman to come to my rescue. (Here's more wonderment.)
Microwave mug cooking.
Like bird sounds?
4D printing.
A very lucky unlucky bride.
I want to be her friend. She's friggin' hilarious. Also I would like Hugh Jackman to come to my rescue. (Here's more wonderment.)
Microwave mug cooking.
Like bird sounds?
4D printing.
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Goal #9
Goal #9: listen to some music.
Lately, I've been the only provider of playlists to listen to during my team's workouts. While I do have some awesome playlists, I'm starting to get a bit tired of them.
I have added loads of music to my iTunes in the last couple of years, but never added it to the various playlists in which it would fit. There's no way I'm going to get through all of it this week, but I'd at least like to get through at least six months or so worth of additions.
Recap of goal #8: the good news about last week's goal - to get docs of my last laptop's hard drive - was blessedly easy. The computer in fact works (which surprised me a bit), although it's been unused for so long that it's basically incompatible with everything else I own. Even my flash drive and external hard drive. But not to worry: all the documents had already been moved to another computer, so I didn't need to pull anything off it!
Lately, I've been the only provider of playlists to listen to during my team's workouts. While I do have some awesome playlists, I'm starting to get a bit tired of them.
I have added loads of music to my iTunes in the last couple of years, but never added it to the various playlists in which it would fit. There's no way I'm going to get through all of it this week, but I'd at least like to get through at least six months or so worth of additions.
Recap of goal #8: the good news about last week's goal - to get docs of my last laptop's hard drive - was blessedly easy. The computer in fact works (which surprised me a bit), although it's been unused for so long that it's basically incompatible with everything else I own. Even my flash drive and external hard drive. But not to worry: all the documents had already been moved to another computer, so I didn't need to pull anything off it!
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Addenda
I thought of two more wonders of showering at home I forgot to include!
8. It's also a bathtub. In fact I enjoyed a lovely and relaxing bubble bath on Saturday night.
9. Everything is there, not just shower stuff. Showering away from home requires that you have not just your shower and immediately post-shower stuff with you, but also all your clothes and everything else you'll need for the day. It is almost inevitable that I will forget something. The most common culprits are either jewelery or a belt. Sometimes it's socks. Yesterday I forgot my coat (yes, it's February - it seems impossible to forget a coat, but it's actually quite possible). I've forgotten shoes. I've forgotten pants.
Yep.
Luckily on those days I've just been able to wear my workout clothes to work, but one of these days I'm going to get caught racing the half hour home (though it'll be longer because I'll be in traffic) to retrieve the pants I left hanging on the back of the door.
This is something that doesn't happen when I'm at home. In a few decades of dressing myself, I have never once forgotten to put my pants on before I walk out the door.
8. It's also a bathtub. In fact I enjoyed a lovely and relaxing bubble bath on Saturday night.
9. Everything is there, not just shower stuff. Showering away from home requires that you have not just your shower and immediately post-shower stuff with you, but also all your clothes and everything else you'll need for the day. It is almost inevitable that I will forget something. The most common culprits are either jewelery or a belt. Sometimes it's socks. Yesterday I forgot my coat (yes, it's February - it seems impossible to forget a coat, but it's actually quite possible). I've forgotten shoes. I've forgotten pants.
Yep.
Luckily on those days I've just been able to wear my workout clothes to work, but one of these days I'm going to get caught racing the half hour home (though it'll be longer because I'll be in traffic) to retrieve the pants I left hanging on the back of the door.
This is something that doesn't happen when I'm at home. In a few decades of dressing myself, I have never once forgotten to put my pants on before I walk out the door.
Friday, March 1, 2013
Sauce on the Side
Earlier this week, I went to a fairly new place called Sauce on the Side. It's a super casual calzone place, nothin' fancy. But it's good, and the service is too - a reminder not to judge a book by its cover.
I got the Garden calzone and a Mirror Pond pale ale from Deschutes Brewery in Oregon. The calzone dough was fluffy without being chewy, and the garlic oil was perfect - salty, flavorful, but not too garlicky. It was easily enough for two meals, so I headed back up to the counter to ask for a box. The tattooed, backwards-cap-wearing, slightly-saggy-pantsed cashier didn't join in when I laughed at myself for not realizing that the boxes were in stacks over near the soda machine. Then he asked if I needed a lid for the sauce container. "Oh, I ate it all."
And you know what? About 10 minutes later, he stopped by the table to drop off an extra container of sauce, with a smile on his face. Not a big deal, and it probably cost the restaurant about seven cents, but it was a nice gesture. I'll remember it, and I hope I'll also remember my surprise at his good attitude.
I got the Garden calzone and a Mirror Pond pale ale from Deschutes Brewery in Oregon. The calzone dough was fluffy without being chewy, and the garlic oil was perfect - salty, flavorful, but not too garlicky. It was easily enough for two meals, so I headed back up to the counter to ask for a box. The tattooed, backwards-cap-wearing, slightly-saggy-pantsed cashier didn't join in when I laughed at myself for not realizing that the boxes were in stacks over near the soda machine. Then he asked if I needed a lid for the sauce container. "Oh, I ate it all."
And you know what? About 10 minutes later, he stopped by the table to drop off an extra container of sauce, with a smile on his face. Not a big deal, and it probably cost the restaurant about seven cents, but it was a nice gesture. I'll remember it, and I hope I'll also remember my surprise at his good attitude.