Words Women Use

I have thus far refrained from posting random e-mail forwards that I get. And for the most part, I will continue to do so (refrain, that is). This one, with a few minor edits of my own, seemed so on-point/useful/instructive/helpful, that I thought I would share. I'm doing it for the greater good.

(1) Fine
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes
If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing
This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it!

(5) Loud Sigh
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3.)

(6) That's Okay
This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks
A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. Unless she says "thanks a lot," which is sarcasm; she is not thanking you at all. Do not say "you're welcome," because it will bring on #8).

(8) Whatever
This is a woman's way of saying F--- You! (The verbal counterpart to #5.)

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it
Another dangerous statement, meaning there is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3. And #1.

I hope you all have found this post instructive, and have learned something from it. If not, please refer to #8.