Reality Check

I found this poem somewhere recently, and determined that it was depressing and hilariously funny at the same time.

"If No-one Ever Marries Me"
by Laurence Alma-Tadema (daughter of artist Sir Lawrence Alma-Tadema)
Written 1897

If no-one ever marries me--
And I don't see why they should,
For nurse says I am not pretty
And I'm seldom very good--

If no one ever marries me
I shan't mind very much;
I shall buy a squirrel in a cage,
And a little rabbit-hutch;

I shall have a cottage near a wood,
And a pony all my own,
And a little lamb, quite clean and tame,
That I can take to town;

And when I'm getting really old,
At twenty-eight or nine--
I shall buy a little orphan girl
And bring her up as mine.

I am 28. I turn 29 soon. Ouch.